I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
