It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
