She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
