Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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