Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
