You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
