I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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