I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
