you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
