its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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