party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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