'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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