i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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