i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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