Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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