I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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