Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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