420 ftw
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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