As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize