So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
