I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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