Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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