OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
