Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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