I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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