Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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