She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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