So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
