I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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