My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
