dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
