My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
