we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize