making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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