'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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