apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
