You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
