Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
