Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
