she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
