So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
