Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
