i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
