Soap is not a condiment
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love accidental penises.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
