woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
