Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
