I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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