then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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