We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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