I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
