i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
