Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
