I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
