considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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