i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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