Reggie can tackle my bush.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
