It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
