walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
