I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
