moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
