He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
