I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
