mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
