Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
