Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
