I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
