i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
