in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Your penis caused this!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
