i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
